You remember those kids who would only wear sweatpants in 2nd grade? Yeah I'm that kid.

I've had a great time going to shows in Burlington. I saw this insane hardcore blast-beat band called Ceremony in Winooski a week ago. It was amazing. This band called Another Breath played too and it made me "pogo" up and down. Thats how I know if I like a band. They were that typical melodic hardcore sound, but with a little bit more anger in the vocals and in a lower tuning. I eat that shit up. A local band called I Remember opened up. They were a really progressive hardcore band, but with all that sheer nihilism and anger that makes this music great. Another breath was definitely my style though; fast, abrasive, yet catchy and melodious.

The show I went to tonight was pretty cool. It was at a place called Wasted City on the most obscure street in Colchester. The first band Galen, was pretty heavy with a healthy dosage of maniacal breakdowns. But they also had smooth melodies hidden below the surface in the guitars. I'm such a sucker for that. The next band My America, was really sludgy and angry. Lots of atonal notes and dementing rhythms. I like when bands do that, but I could't wait for them to break into something fast and that never really happened. I almost bought their 7" until I found out in only had one song on it. Bummer. I'll just myspace that ass. The next band, Romans was more of an experimental metal/hardcore/ambient kind of thing. It really wasn't my thing at all. I guess they tour all over the U.S. though. I never heard of them before. But then again, nobody in Rutland ever knew about bands in Burlington, because no band from Burlington would ever bother playing in Rutland. Its so weird how isolated the scenes are and they're only a couple of hours apart. So yeah, I got bored of the Romans and left because I was tired.

I've had a couple of great times hanging out with Miriah and roommates/other friends these past couple of weeks. I got super fucking wasted on her 21st birthday last weekend and somehow dragged myself all the way down to Ri Ra's and got freaky on the dance floor. Thats definitely not me. But when I'm intoxicated, I act like a teeny bopper. It seems like it would be embarassing, but I only remember having a good time. A few days before her birthday party, I met a good friend of hers and we clicked instantly. I won't name any names, because I don't want to freak anybody out, but I really feel like I fell for this girl pretty quickly. Both times I hung out with her, I got super drunk and had a great time. The first time, we went out to Radio Bean and without noticing, due to my drunken stupor, she seemed to be hooking up with this other dude. Yeah he seemed really cool. He had cool facial hair. He didn't look like he was 15 still. He even worked for Bernie Sanders. I was impressed. So we went to some random party later on, but to my surprise, this girl put her number on my phone and gave me a hug before I left. She said we should hang out more. Needless to say, its been pretty hard to hang out with her since. Maybe I just think too hard about things, but it really seems like I always have to call people to initiate a social gathering. Nobody ever calls me. I always feel like I have to invite myself and I really hate doing that. I don't want to be invasive to people's inner circles, but I also want to make new friends in a town where I don't really have any. Make sense? I think its pretty intuitive.

So I didn't see this girl again, until Miriah's birthday party. But I had a great time with her again. We just chatted it up, had some beer and laughed at each other's stupid jokes. She even wanted to come to the store with me to help carry some stuff. it was a really affable thing to do. Later on though, she left go to another party for a while. Thats fine. I was having fun everyone else too. However, I kept wanting her to come back and I kept texting her to see when she would return. She assured me it would be soon, but before I knew it, I was running down to Ri Ra's with Miriah and her friend. But when I came back, she was there and she approached me right away and we were just laughing at each other. Then one of her friends tried to drive away and we stopped him, because he was fucking wasted. Then he wanted to walk to Williston to get some pot and we had to convince him that that was a stupid idea. Sounded like a tough thing to deal with, but the two of us were having a ball laughing at this kid and following him around. I even vaguely remember us embracing for a quick moment as we ran around off our drunk asses. It was great. I don't care how fucking emo that sounds.

Eventually this girl and I passed out on the floor of Miriah's roommate's room. I thought maybe this was the perfect moment to let this girl know that I liked her. But before I knew it, Miriah's roommate came in and told me I couldn't pass out on her floor because I was dirty boy. I really had no intentions of doing anything naughty. I just wanted to be next to this girl. I remember fighting with Miriah's roommate, but she was adamant that I leave and I didn't want to piss her off, so I left and then passed out in their living room. The story of my life. The next day, Miriah's roommate told me that this girl was just being friendly and probably didn't like me. I was pretty devastated to hear that. I mean how does she know what this girl was really thinking about me? Anyways, this girl I liked gave me some aspirin before I left, because she knew how hungover I looked. That was really cool and sweet of her, but maybe it was just because she wanted to be nice, which is entirely possible

Anyways, its been nearly a week since I last spoke with her. I actually had the courage this past Tuesday to call her up and ask her if she wanted to go out sometime, but she didn't pick up and I left a lame-ass voicemail like I always do. She never called me back. Actually that whole crew never calls me. I feel like secretly they despise me and want me to leave when I hang out with them. Maybe this girl also found out that I liked her and now she's freaked out because I'm weird and ugly. I don't know. I'm just depressed, because I thought I had something going. I'm just sick of trying to contact people. I want this girl to call me up and ask me to hang out. That would make my day, but I don't think it'll happen.