Doritos

Hey there. Here's the three month update. I recently turned 24 years old. I'm still vegan and still playing hardcore. Still playing in Crucial Times and still single. I have, however, relocated to Mikey X's house in the new north end of Burlington. If it were inhabited by any other individuals, I would consider it quaint suburban paradise, but it is in fact housing two hopeless romantic retards who would do anything to go on tour and shout at people that don't really give a shit all over the country. I suppose its the dream duo I've been aspiring for all these years. Although Kimball still needs his papa bear moments (alone time) and he still gets them. Aside from the occasional outburst and humor at the equivalent of a preschooler (Mikey X), I'm finally getting that peace of mind that would've normally been interrupted in the past by PBR drinking crust punks and there penchant for hording anything and everything from the nearest dumpster.

Girls seem to be a waste of time. This weekend, my friend Lilly tried to hook me up with one of her co-workers. I returned the favor by getting drunk and trying to kiss her co-worker. Yeah I had just barely met her, but all night my friends kept telling me to be assertive and to not fuck it up. Anyway, Lilly's friend was not into kissing (kissing me anyways...haha). Normally I wouldn't do this. Normally I wouldn't do anything if a girl was sitting right next to me if nobody else was in the house, but this time I thought the mood was right....or maybe I was just too drunk. I think this girl may have actually been more interested in petting Mikey X's cat named Zombie actually.

Anyways, that didn't go over too well. I guess I learned my lesson. So Crucial Times is doing a Midwest tour in August. We're planning to play out as far as Kansas City, Kansas. It'll be a loop. Fucking playing the south in August, it's too hot and muggy. I'm still having trouble filling in some gaps, mainly Chicago, Kentucky and West Virginia. It was pretty easy getting a show in Iowa surprisingly though. I also went to Mexico with Change of Ideas in March. We drove from Florida to Texas, where we did shows in Austin, Dallas and McAllen. We then took a bus from McAllen, TX to Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, MX. It was a pretty drive and only cost $40. Lots of tall, dusty and rocky hills and mountains and a cactus here and there. It was pretty sweet. Monterrey was beautiful and we spent two days with Mike and his family there while they showed us around the city. They did so much for us and I'm so thankful for their hospitality. Next we took a 15 hour bus drive to Mexico City. It was so fucking long, but I slep through a good portion of it. We played for over a 100 kids in the center of the city and people went nuts. I still can't believe I played there. Great hospitality again, courteous of Pablo (also check out his amazing hardcore band Picking Up The Pieces). Mexico City was also the first time I tried flower tea. By the way, there are in fact Taco Bells in Mexico! After that, we took a couple buses back to Texas and played a couple more shows on our way back to Florida. I'd say the whole trip was worth the experience.

I'm really starting to feel like I'm going to be single for eternity. I hear one of two things constantly; 1) Be a dick and 2) play hard to get. I'm also told to be assertive all at the same time. This all seems rather annoying. I thought relationships just came together. Mind games are fucking stupid. And usually after I try the first two things mentioned, someone usually tells me to not move so fast and keep my distance. I'm also told not to have friends that are girls at all. Shouldn't I just be listening to myself? I guess I'm fucked. I haven't held a girl's hand in more than three years. I'm becoming use to myself and myself only. That's not a good thing.

Fuck

Life has become complicated and stressful lately. It has also become spontaneous and full of surprises, good and bad. Music tends to be the once constant; the only real thing that keeps me together. I honestly don't think I'd have even half the motivation to wake up in the morning, if it weren't for my friends and community in the hardcore and punk scene. I've become so bitter and depressed by what I face on a daily basis, that I'd probably just die if I couldn't pick up my bass and freak out on stage. In a way, it's pathetic. I can't face my demons without music.

I should be happy with all the experiences I've had musically. All the places I've seen and all the supportive people I've met, are memories that won't fade with age. I'm in this for life. At the same time, I find myself lonely. I hate the "woe is me" shit usually, but I need to get this off my chance.

Recently I met a girl who attends UVM. My friend Colin, who I met through shows in Burlington (who also unfortunately moved back to New Jersey), introduced me to her. We'd hang out here and there and see each other shows. We began to hang out more frequently with each other and I began to develop feelings for her. Colin agreed that she seemed to be interested in me. I wanted to do something genuine and from the heart to show here how I felt. So while she was on winter break from UVM, I coaxed her into giving me her home address in Connecticut. I told her I wanted to send her a letter and she seemed really excited.

Yes, you're right. I hand-wrote a letter, telling her how I felt and that I'd love to have something more than a friendship. I even made her a mixtape. An actual cassette tape. I drew flaming unicorns on the cover and even made liner notes! Admittedly, I was stoked. With the entire entourage, I included a self-addressed, stamped envelope, so that she could write back. I had my neighbor Annalise proof-read the note and got the seal of approval.

This girl did write back, but she said that she was already involved with someone. I couldn't believe it. I was so sure of the whole situation. I thought my single streak was finally over. She went on to say how much of nice guy I was and how I would definitely find a girl soon. Yeah, right. I've been hearing that for the past three and a half years. Apparently being nice hasn't gotten me anywhere! Girls want to play hard-to-get. They want a douche-bag. It's like they need a project to work on. Why bother dating anybody who actually has a job already, volunteers in the community and would do anything for his friends? Girls don't like that apparently. Time to give up.

To make matters worse, this past weekend on the Crucial Times/No Love Lost weekend tour, I sold a demo tape to her boyfriend at our show in Hartford, Connecticut. What are the odds!? He was a really nice guy. I'm happy for him, but I still didn't want to run into him. Hell I didn't even want him to like my band or buy a demo. Fuck my life.

The hard part, is that this girl still wants to be my friend. Trust me, I want that too, but let's face it; I already have enough friends girls! No more friends. Time to go on dates and make out. That is 100% what I want. Maybe I'm too introverted. Maybe I hate bars. Maybe I like shitty music. I don't know what to do anymore. Apparently I can't date. There will be no grandchildren for my parents. They're gonna have to count on my sister for that! She's already engaged and I'm three years older than her!

Whatever. I'll shut the fuck up now. I'm lucky. I get to be on the road for 14 days with three of the coolest and funniest dudes in hardcore. I get to play shows in a different country and see places I've never seen before.

I could have it a lot worse.