Hello Old Friend

It has been nearly two years since I've posted in this blog. A lot has changed in that time. I am now dating the beautiful and ravishing Danica Zirkle. She's the kind of gal that sets loose angry, mal-nourished badgers inside of your heart. My heart is racing. Every day when I see her, I am constantly excited and motivated for what lies ahead. Here's a little bit you should know about her. She's an aspiring herbalist and creates concoctions that soothe even the most savage of beasts. You will be cured of ailments (except for the Danicailment, which she has no control over). It is also common to find her hoarding mason jars, gloating over Prince videos on YouTube, finding fiesta plate-ware at free-piles/garage sales and occasionally chugging the nearest Moxie. Danica is the kind of woman who will try on three or four different variations of the same outfit when she gets up in the morning and ask you how each one looks. I just look at her professionally constructed exterior and admire how evenly it flows from one corner to the next. Indeed, her back is like a ski jump or a human water-slide that I envision taking a plunge off of. So when she asks me how she looks, I just say she looks beautiful. If you didn't get that from my description, then you are a clueless motherfucker drooling all over yourself. Danica is the kind of gal who will bring you to your knees with such incredible statements as "sometimes you just have to have sexy mornings" and the ever popular "well if you feel hungry, you should eat something." Danica is the kind of gal that will go out of her way to prepare breakfast for you while you're drooling on her pillow, hungover, half-naked and full of bruises from drunken debauchery. She is a goddess among men and you better have the courage to give in and accept that no matter how incredible you think your penis is, it's NOTHING. This brings me to my next point; Danica is a mother and from what I've seen, the best out there. She pushed another human being out of her womb and endured a pain that I will never know. That is why your penis is nothing. Her daughter is really smart, sassy and calls me out for swearing in public. She should invest in a swear jar, because she'd probably be able to fund her entire four years of college with my dirty sailor mouth.

And now for the number one reason why Danica is cooler than five chimpanzees planning your wedding.... SHE IS A TREKKIE. Can you believe it? A woman this beautiful finds something poignant in the glare that is Capt. Jean Luc Picard's bald head? That's right you heard it. She owns every TNG movie on DVD, has a vintage communicator badge and a tattoo of the United Federation of Planets logo (which I also got with her in San Fransisco). We were also on the cusp of traveling to Alberta, Canada just to see the cast of The Next Generation reunite for the first time in 20 years. Unfortunately, we had to call that off because my sister just had to get married the same day! What nerve! Hopefully the guilt will stick with her for the duration of her marriage. Haha. Just kidding. The wedding was actually a blast and Danica and I tore up the dance floor as we usually do. Seriously, we are an unstoppable dance assault squad. Some people say it's because we are usually intoxicated, but I think it's because we know how to get down. I mean the shear site of us grinding on the dance floor is enough to give anybody an on-sight orgasm. That's right, we ruin your pants.

So what else is going on? Last September, the moxie-chugging, beavis & butt head inspired burrito mosh squad known as Crucial Times officially ended. Conor left the band last April and we decided to persevere and push on with Danielle Allen on vocals. Some of you may know her from that band Offisdes. Anyways, she moved to Burlington last winter from Phoenix and it all just kinda fell into place. Justin Gonyea, my beloved graphic designer teddy bear also took over on second guitar duties. We did a short summer tour, hitting up Massachussetts, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York and Vermont. It was fun, but at the end of August, Danielle said she was moving to New Zealand. Clearly, we wouldn't deny her that opportunity. They filmed fucking Lord of the Rings there! So we ended the band. We were fortunate enough to put out a 7" though and tour the midwest, the entire east coast and several parts of Canada, so fuck yeah.

I now play guitar in Hunger, a band consisting of Ryan Krushenick on vocals, Justin on guitar, Roy Larsen on bass and Zeke on drums. We sound like a fine mix between Misfits "Earth A.D." and the seminal riffing of Minor Threat, but with a whole lot of straight forward punk rock thrown in. It's like if Kill Your Idols, The Sex Pistols and Burn had an orgy. It's very interesting to say the least. It's also the first band that I've ever played guitar in, albeit none of my equipment is mine. Big props to Boston Ganja for lending me everything (someday he will be handsomely rewarded for his contribution). This summer we're touring Europe for two weeks and have a 7" EP coming out on a German-based label. I am beyond stoked. I also occasionally play in a more modern hardcore band called No Submission with Mikey X. We don't play often, but we have a record out on Get Outta Town Records and it sounds pretty gnarly.

So thats about it for now. I'm 26 years old in less than three weeks, I'm still vegan, still chug moxie like it's water, cuddle up and watch Star Trek at least three times a week and enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Yesterday I even helped raise money for Big Heavy World by being dunked over and over again into a cold vat of my own body stew for 5 and a half hours. Now I look like a ripe cherry from the sun. Thankfully Danica was willing to rub cool aloe all over my pink and bloated exterior. What a champion. They should've probably called the event "dunk a hunk" instead of "dunk a punk" though. I know a certain individual will agree. I don't know when I will update this again, so until next time.....GET STOKED OR GET FUCKED.